I do not want to go to my grave knowing that God ordained a different life for me and it was me who chose not to live it. Someday I’ll die and stand before God.
God: So, my dear, how do you think your life was on earth?
Me: Well, God, I know I could have done better, but…. you know… I was afraid and I didn’t want to try harder and well, it was just that I… uh… you know…
(You can’t hide the truth from God.)
God: Ok, I understand. It was your life and that’s the power of the choice that I gave you… because I love you. I didn’t create you to be a puppet.
Me: Yeah, I’m sorry (feeling obvious regret). It was just hard to make the best choices all the time.
God: I understand. There are a lot of competing voices on earth. But, did you enjoy that spark I put in you?
God: Yes. You know, the one that made you dream of impossible things. You know, the reason your grandfather made that music box with The Impossible Dream song in it?
Me: You mean, that really was your idea?
God: Well, of course. I impressed him to put that song in YOUR box, not your sisters. They had their own special songs. I made you to be a dreamer. Some people called you “idealistic” (I know that hurt you), but you were. That’s how I made you!
Me: Yes. That hurt…but I thought they were criticizing something that was wrong with me.
God: Nope. They were criticizing the unique gifts I placed in you. They didn’t understand. They’ll have to answer to me on that….but, you’ll need to answer to me, as well.
Me: Uh…what do you mean?
God: Well, I wish it was different. You see, I had great plans for you. And because you listened to those people who thought they knew what was best for you… more than you listened to me, I might add… you denied the things I put in you and lived the way they wanted you to.
Me: I KNEW IT! Deep inside, I knew those things were right all along, but I kept living out of my head… instead of my heart & soul. I hated my double-minded condition.
God: That’s right. You DID know it. I can’t tell you how many times I saw you talking about or journaling your dreams and I would think “Yay! She’s getting it!” and then the next day, someone would come along and say something to you that left you doubting & you would grab hold of that destructive thought instead. You did that for years… until you finally caved in and let the dreams I intended for you to wash away. You settled into a life I never intended for you. You made it work for you, because you are a survivor. But, I never created you to just survive. I created you to LIVE!!!
At that point, I would be swept up in a whirlwind of regret and tears… and I would have to accept my choices.
NO!!! That is NOT what I want. I want a different end to my life here on earth. I want to stand before God and tell Him, “I honestly did the best I knew to do… I even took risks where I thought you were leading me. Maybe I made mistakes, but I lived out of who I believe you made me to be”. Perhaps, God would say, “Not perfect, but that sure was a great effort, girl!” I would be happy with that… So, how do I live in such a way that I am true to who I believe God has created me to be??? How do any of us…? Tune in to Part 2… later this week…